I have a theory that all sibling rivalry problems moms encounter boil down to two fundamental issues:  1. What’s fair, and 2. Who’s first.

Let’s start with “What’s fair.” Every mom has heard the familiar whine of “But that’s not fair!” In my house, my kids jockey for the best seat in the car, the bigger helping of dessert, and whatever else they can imagine to squabble about. I chalk up this attitude to being an essential part of survival instinct and is human nature.

Several years ago,  my daughters were separated in the car by more feet than they were tall but still managed to reach an all time low in boundary crossing.  One daughter tattled on the other saying, “She touched my air!”

Establishing fairness and equity in a family is nearly impossible. Many factors exist that go into decision making such as age, level of responsibility, and safety of a situation. However, generally in most situations you’re really just flipping a coin and saying to yourself, “I don’t care who started the fight. Just get over it so I can go back to what I was doing before you interrupted me  with a petty cat fight.” Of course, if serious harm is being caused – the kind that requires therapy later in adult life – then you’ll gladly referee, but I bet 99 percent of all arguments in my house are over minor infractions such as petty theft of the last vanilla pudding and trespassing onto one’s personal space.

In my best efforts to alleviate heartache (mostly my own) I developed an ingenious plan which has mostly answered the age-old questions of what is fair and who really does get to be first. Beginning on Sunday morning when their collective 6 feet of my three daughters hit the floor as they roll out of bed to the time they lay their heads down on the following Saturday night, one of my daughters wears the crown of “Star of the Week.” The Star of the Week enjoys the privilege of picking first. This title defines who sits where in the car, who shares a bed with our pug, who showers first, who picks the after-school TV show, and who play first on Webkinz. The possibilities are endless when you answer your children’s whining with a simple question: “Who’s the Star?”

Question: What do you do to settle petty disputes in your home?