On Friday night, my husband and I drove off into the sunset (literally) together to head out to our weekly date night. My children were at home playing board games with the babysitter, but in my head all I could hear was the collective noise that they make when they’re all together. It’s not a bad noise, but it is a loud noise. My husband works in a very quiet office building (my kids think it’s a library because it’s so quiet and there are books everywhere.) So, when he’s home on a weekend he struggles to deal with the chorus of sounds that three daughters can make. And our pug adds to the audible commotion, too. (She snorts, snores, howls, barks, and makes plenty of noise of her own.)

The longer I sat in the quiet of the car, the quieter the chatter from home became. After leaving the restaurant I didn’t hear the sounds of home in my head anymore.  I felt relaxed and I felt like an adult again. While we’d only been gone about an hour at this point, I felt like it had been hours since we’d left our home.

We traveled to our next destination and I reflected on how much I enjoy our weekly date nights. Most of the time we don’t really do anything that fancy or spectacular, but mostly it provides an opportunity for us to converse without interruption, to identify as a couple, and to remember who we were before children. Sometimes this is no easy feat. Depending on what ongoing stresses we’re battling, leaving home behind for a few hours can be nearly impossible, yet so refreshing and rejuvenating that it has become an institution in our 11 years of marriage.

I love my children. I’d give them anything I could to ensure a happy and healthy future for them. And I firmly believe that one of the best things I can give my children is the example of a happy marriage. Date night for them means taking a nutritional night off. They eat pizza, cereal, or mac-n-cheese for dinner. They play games with the babysitter and actually look forward to us being gone for a bit. (I think it’s a bit like the saying, “While the cats are away the mice will play.”) Maybe they swing from the chandeliers while we’re gone, but they’re always happily asleep when we return. To date, none of our children has ever been seriously injured or lost a limb while we’ve been out on the town.

I’ve actually been criticized over the years for selfishly going on date nights and I’ve heard lots of reasons why people claim they can’t do date nights. Here are a few barriers to overcome before you can step out together for a night out.

Excuse No. 1: “We don’t have time.” Carving out the time may be hard at first but it’s not impossible. Sometimes we have to be creative to get our schedules to coordinate and now that our children are older we’ve got oodles of their activities crammed onto our agenda too. We’ve had breakfast dates, exercise dates, and weeknight dates to squeeze in the together time.

Excuse No. 2: “We don’t have any money.” Of all the excuses I’ve heard over the years, this one is the most legitimate, but it doesn’t have to be a road block. We’ve become masters of finding cheap or free things to do – take a walk on the beach, play tennis at the park, go for a scenic drive. It’s not really about what you do—it’s more about being together. Babysitters—especially the ones that don’t let the kids swing from the chandeliers—can be expensive. We started a babysitters co-op a few years ago that went well by trading babysitting time with friends who have similarly aged children, and we’ve come up with other creative ways to save a buck or two while not compromising our night out together.

Excuse No. 3: “My husband won’t go.” Get a babysitter, make a plan, and invite him to go. If he doesn’t want to go, then go by yourself. I read this suggestion in a book once and the author said it only took a couple weeks before her husband became intrigued and followed along. They’ve been dating each other ever since.

Question: What do you do on your date nights?