Aug 31

Mommy Mondays: Birthday Reflections

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Birthdays make me feel a little sentimental each year. It is, after all, a measuring stick of how long we’ve been on Earth and it gives us a chance to reflect on how we’re doing. Every year on the eve of each of my children’s birthdays, I sit down and write them a letter. I put all of my thoughts and feelings that naturally muster up around their big day each year and record it.

In each letter I record my observations about what they are like at that time in their lives. I include their likes and interests, what goals they’ve accomplished during the past year, what hardships they’ve overcome, etc. I also share how I feel about them. It’s fun to go back and re-read the letters from the previous years after I’ve finished their most recent birthday letter.

My hope is that I will bestow these letters to them as a gift at some point when I feel they will appreciate them – when they graduate from college, or get married, or become mothers themselves. It’s my hope that as they read these letters in their adulthood they will be able to see how they were as an infant, child, and teenager. I look at the unique personalities of each of my daughters and often wonder, Was I like this at this age? Where do these traits come from? It would be nice to have a window into those early years for which I have little or no memories and see what I was like so I can relate to some of the unique spirits I now call my own.

Another purpose I hope these letters fulfill is that they’ll boost my children during the hard times. It can show them how far they’ve come and that they’ve always possessed wonderful traits. Of course, I also have a wish that they’ll see how much I loved them as they grew into adulthood. Long after I am gone I envision them using these letters to teach their own children about me and as a way for them to feel their mother’s love if I’m not able to tell them personally.

I’m not a huge journal keeper. I admire those that are diligent in recording their children’s lives. I find the everyday life to be fairly mundane, and my lucky for me, my husband is wonderful at chronically important moments that aren’t captured on film (my favorite medium for recording our lives). I have found that the expression of my intimate relationship with each of my children is best expressed in these personal and private letters. It’s my expectation that this simple way of recording parts of my children’s childhood in both unexpected and cherished by my daughters.

Question: What do you do to record your children’s lives?

Aug 28

Foodie Fridays: Green Lunches

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Even though your children leave diapers behind at some point, they still seem to find ways to contribute to landfills, unfortunately. Lunch time is an easy way for moms and kids to work together to waste fewer resources and save money in your home budget. Here are a few ways we’ve gone green in our family and in our school:

1.      Using reusable plastic containers instead of baggies. Those wonderful ziplock baggies are convenient, but a plastic container can be used time and time again. Sometimes the ziplocks are still an option, but for the most part I’ve transitioned my kids over to using their reusable containers. I’m sure it helps that they don their favorite cast members from High School Musical.

2.      Going old school. Metal lunch boxes are back in style and kids are showing off all of the fun designs. Neoprene bags in fun patterns and colors are great for older kids who are “too cool” to carry a lunch box. These bags can also keep hot items hot and the cold ones cold.

3.       Toting the liquid. Remember those old Thermoses we used to pack into our lunch box? They’ve undergone a makeover and now kids can bring water or juice to school in a reusuable and safe container. These save the environment and your wallet. Make sure if it’s made of plastic that it doesn’t contain harmful chemicals, though.

4.      Avoiding prepackaged goodies. Not only are these items usually full of preservatives and other harmful chemicals, they are also full of extra packaging that is wasteful. Don’t forget all of that you end up paying extra for all of that cardboard and plastic that is used to store your snack before you eat it. It’s more economical and environmental to buy in bulk and then redistribute into reusable containers.

5.      Juicing up responsibly. What kid doesn’t love a Capri Sun? But really, all of those foil pouches can take a toll on the planet unless they’re recycled. Our school is now participating in program where they’re paid a nominal amount by the manufacturer for each foil pouch they turn in. Everyone wins in this case: the school gets money, the kids get their juice, and the packaging is recycled. If your school doesn’t have a program like this suggest it to your PTA or organize it yourself.

Question: What do you do the “green up” your lunch bunch?

 

Aug 28

Tried and True Thursdays: Making Mom’s Life Easier

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I hate clipping coupons. I used to get a high from it, but now I just imagine the reality of trying to actually do that in the grocery store with three kids trailing behind me. We’re a walking disaster at the store on most days. With three girls you can bet someone is cranky, someone is hungry, and someone is feeling their inner diva coming out. Once you add in small scraps of paper to that, all I can see is a trail of coupons marking our path in a fashion similar to Hansel and Gretel.

However, I recently came across two websites, that when combined, may help make hitting the grocery store a better experience for everyone.

1. Handipoints.com. A fellow school mom introduced me to this cool website to give your kids even more reasons to behave well in public and you at home, too. Parents can track kids behaviors and chores with charts and kids can earn points to play games and even care for a pet cat.

 2. Online coupon clipping. I navigated my local grocery store and found tons of coupons I could download directly to my club card. I also checked out a few local drug stores and found some handy shopping lists and online coupons I can print and take into the store. They are all on one sheet so I don’t have to cut anything (or lose anything). Plus, it makes a great list so I am not tempted to buy things I don’t need.

Question: What website have you found recently that helps make your load a little lighter?

 

Aug 26

Wildcard Wednesdays: Stranger Danger

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A few posts ago, I mentioned that as part of our Back to School routine my husband and I have a conversation with our daughters about Stranger Danger. I wanted to elaborate on what we cover during our chat to help give others who would like to do the same a rough outline of where to get started.

Once you get this conversation rolling, your kids will likely take it in the direction they need to and at the level at which they’re ready to understand. You don’t want to scare little ones, but at the same time you want to be sure you prepare your older children properly. You may have to adjust the agenda based on your individual situation. For example, we’ve recently taught our older daughters about the danger of sexual predators,  but we would never want to introduce something this intense before they were ready.

As a parent, you can check out websites to see where registered sex offenders live in your area.(For example, in California you can go to http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov.) It doesn’t mean that all of these people are kidnappers or will hurt your child, but it’s always good to be aware of your surroundings and vulnerabilities. The Megan’s Law website also has valuable education information that will help you to know how to guard your children. Below are my suggestions for creating an outline for your conversation with your children.

  1. Look to the news. When my oldest daughter started kindergarten I realized it would be the first time that I didn’t have my eyes on her all day. At about that same time, a girl her age was kidnapped and murdered in our state. This story was highly publicized so I allowed her to watch a bit of the coverage with me and then we discussed it. Again, I didn’t want to give her nightmares, but I wanted her to get that this was a serious situation that we were discussing. It can be an awkward topic to introduce but it’s well worth it to get the ball rolling.
  2. Define the strangers in their life. Not all kidnappers are on Megan’s List; many kidnappers are friends of the family. Make sure kids recognize who is allowed to pick them up from school and what they should do if they’re uncertain about a situation. Also, someone who may hurt them may not look scary; rather, a predator could have a nice smile or seem like a good person.
  3. Teach them to recognize tactics. A kidnapper isn’t going to announce their arrival and intentions, so explain to your kids that these people use tactics to appeal to children. For example, they may ask your child to help them find their lost puppy to get them to come close to their car or to even get into the car. Others may offer to give them a ride on a hot day when they’re walking home, or bribe them with candy.
  4. Play out some scenarios. My brave husband will pretend to be the “bad guy” and the girls will each take turns preventing their abduction or fighting back if they are grabbed. We teach them to keep a several body lengths between themselves and strangers who are speaking to them or following them. We teach them how to scream for help (what words to use, how to let out a piercing scream, etc.) and how to do basic  self-defense moves (biting, kicking, etc.) to escape to freedom.
  5. Remind them of the safety in numbers. We remind our children that they’re less likely to run into problems if they stay together with other kids. We also review which adults are typically safe to ask for help (teachers, store employees, police officers, etc.). Most importantly, we teach them there is a voice inside of them that tells them when they’re in danger or alerts them when they feel uncomfortable. We also teach them that they should always listen to that voice and always openly communicate with us as parents when they have questions or concerns.

Question: What other important things do you bring up with your children to teach them to protect themselves?

Aug 25

Tidy Up Tuesdays: Home Maintenance

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A few weeks ago my friend had a fire in her home that originated from her dryer lint. Luckily, no damage was done to her home, but she did end up replacing her stacked laundry system. Several years ago the same thing happened to another friend of mine. I was again reminded that home maintenance is an important and essential and that I’ve been a slacker in taking care of my own home’s preventative maintenance needs. I thought to myself, When did I clean out our lint catcher and the attached tubing? Have I ever done it? Needless to say, the next morning I went online and found directions for how to clean out your excess lint and keep your laundry room fire proof. Who knew how dirty those things could get?

While on vacation a few years ago our water heater burst and began spraying hot water all over our garage with great force. Lucky for us, an observant neighbor (who knew we were on vacation) called the fire department to have the massive water leak shut off. Unfortunately, we did have quite a few things ruined and mold issues because of the scolding water that enveloped our garage. The nice plumber who installed our new water heater informed me that you are actually supposed to clean out the silt from the water heater every 6 to 12 months. Who knew?

It’s easy to get busy with the day-to-day tasks at hand and forget the things that don’t scream for our attention. It’s easy to replace a lightbulb that goes out but how often do we really drain the silt from our water heater? Or replace the air filters in our HVAC? Or do other important home-maintenance tasks?

Below is a list of some of the items that should be done regularly to prevent larger and more expensive problems. Most of these things don’t take much time or money, but can save you a lot of headaches and expense if they make it on your to-do list. (Check out detailed how-to information on http://realestate.adviceandreviews.com)

Question: What do you do to remember to take care of the inner workings of your home? What would you add to the list?

When owning a home there are several things you need to do to maintain it.   The following are a few items sometimes over looked, but must be considered.

1. Furnace filters

2. Water softener

3. Garage door

4. Water filters

5. Light bulbs

6. Microwave carbon filters

7. Sprinkler system

8. Caulking

9. Water heater

10. Smoke alarms

11. Leaky sinks

12. Moisture in bathrooms

13. Dryer lint

Aug 24

Mommy Mondays: Past, Present and Future

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I’ve spent a lot of time this summer pondering what it means to “be present in your life.” At first I thought this phrase meant to devote your full attention to whatever it is you’re doing at that particular time—to live your life without distraction with greater focus on the here and now. But it’s really much more than that.

I’ve never been the kind of person who lives in the past but I definitely enjoy thinking about and planning for my future. I don’t really think of this as a bad thing, but I can see how fretting about what might happen and playing out scenarios in your mind can drain a person of energy. If we’re always looking ahead to an idealistic future then the present will never be a pleasurable reality.

It’s a much harder task to live in the present and be available to your children, spouse, family, and friends than to just mull through each day in survival mode. We all have busy lives and schedules. Let’s face it: Sometimes it’s easy to tune things out than to tune in and solve a problem. Kids fight, dinners get burned, people run late and daily life can border on the edge of insanity, but we can totally miss the whole point of it all if we make ourselves entirely unavailable.

The first few weeks of consciously trying to be more available made me more than a little edgy. I also found myself climbing into bed at a much earlier hour because I was completely exhausted. It takes real work to be there for the important people in your life. I felt like the more I put myself out there to my children the more insatiable their appetites for my attention grew. I thought back to the previous weeks and thought, Were they really this deprived? Or do they just take as much attention as I’m willing to offer to them? Certainly my children are far from neglected, but they definitely enjoyed having more of me. The problem was I wasn’t so sure I could keep up with their constant demands on my time, energy, and frail attention span.

After two weeks of really giving it my best effort I felt like quitting. I went back to some of my previous methods of tuning things out, but felt guilty. But it wasn’t the guilt that motivated me to be more present. I was missing out on the joy I felt when we had wonderful moments together. I missed out on the peace I felt not always worrying about what was coming up next, but instead could focus on the game we were playing or the activity at hand.

Don’t get be wrong though. It was hard to put down what I was doing to read Dora’s Trip to Wonderland for the 99th time that week, or to patiently offer suggestions to my older two daughters on how to resolve conflicts. There were many times I still wanted to quit because my patience was stretched more than the elastic on my maternity pants during my last pregnancy.

Sometimes I couldn’t endure this close connectivity all day, but I gave what I could when I could. I felt like I made a better effort overall and my ability to cope with the day-to-day stress of motherhood was going through intense strength training. I also learned how to bargain with my children by saying things like, “I’ve had a wonderful day with you and we’ll do great things tomorrow but right now I need a little bit of time to (fill in the blank: lay down for a minute, make a phone call, be alone in my room, eat a snack, etc.).” I think this is a healthy way to show my children that even moms need a break and that it is okay to take care of yourself.

This summer I tried to clear my plate of some added responsibilities and focus more of my time and attention on my family. As a result I can say that we unanimously agree that we had a great summer. I’m sure there were multiple factors that contributed to our good times, but I think it’s interesting to take a step back from our day-to-day routines and see where we are missing out on life. Again I’m not posing to be the poster child for great mothering or exceptional focus, but instead I’m offering my own shortcomings to others who may fall into the same category of manic multi-tasker and ask, “Are you sacrificing being effective for being efficient?”

Question: What do you do to live in the present?

Aug 21

Foodie Fridays: Brown Baggin’ It

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Have you heard the latest news about kids’ lunches? Deli meats may now cause cancer. And peanut butter has been banned from many schools because of children having severe nut allergies. So what can you send in your kids’ lunches that they will eat and that will provide them some nourishment?

Here’s an article I found online that I thought had some great alternatives for filling up your child’s lunch box.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=8356168

Question: What do your kids like to eat that is healthy, cheap, and easy to prepare?

Aug 20

Tried and True Thursdays: Back-to-School Shopping Tips

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I proudly came in way under budget this year in my back-to-school shopping. My best deal of the season was finding two pairs of shoes for my oldest daughter for $13! We hit a Buy One Get One Free deal at Payless Shoe Source, and when we combined it with a clearance sale we saved a whopping $37. Next we hit up Old Navy and stocked up on jeans for $10 a pair and shirts for $5 a piece. We saved another $55.

I’ve developed a system managing our clothing budget that is simplicitic and logical but really saves both time and money. It works well for us because we have three children of the same gender, but it can easily be modified for your family size and situation. I recognize life is different when you hit the teenage years, but for now I’m holding out as long as it works.

1. Hand it on down (if you can). Lucky for me I have three children of the same gender that are nearly all one size apart, so most of our clothes are passed directly on to the next child. However, I still need to purchase items to fill in the gaps for the younger children because some clothes do wear out before they reach the end of the road. I also purchase new items for my oldest daughter. (Gotta love hearing the complaints from the younger two about hand-me-downs. It must be paybacks for all of the complaining I did as a middle child.) If you don’t have another child in the family to pass down to, ask around at school, social groups, or church. We receive lots of great items every year from other families that my children adore. Somehow hand-me-downs are more exciting when they come from kids they look up to and admire as opposed to their blood relatives. Go figure.

2. Hit the stores. I collect clearance items all year in the next size up for my oldest daughter. Not only does she grow like a weed, but I know that if I buy a pair of jeans for her at $10 a pair (regulary $29) it is a tremendous savings because all three of my daughters will wear them. It’s really like buying a pair of $3.33 jeans for each of my daughters. When was the last time you saw that price on a pair of jeans?

3. Invest in your future. At the end of this year’s back-to-school sales, hit the clearance racks, to stock up for next year. T-shirts and even shoes can hit the clearance racks off-season for as little as $2 to $3 for items that normally run $10-15. Reports say that sales are slow this year so anticipate there will be lots of deals. Backpacks are another great item to buy once they’ve been reduced because they’re so expensive at full price. As you browse the back-to-school racks now, you may also want to keep an eye out for summer clearance items including swim suits, shorts, and flip flops for next year. I stockpile all of my deals in plastic bins with lids, which I label, and then stow away in my garage until I see that my daughters who are sprouting up like bean sprouts begin to look as if they’re preparing for a flood. It’s fun to see what items are in the “mystery” boxes when it’s time to go “shopping” in our garage.

4. Have a rummage party. Invite friends who have children your same age and body style over for a clothing swap. Everyone contributes a dozen or so items per child of items they’re willing to part with but are only gently used. At the end of the event everyone will leave with a few items that are new to you. Any extra items still lingering behind can be donated. Everyone wins and no one spends a dime.

Question: What do you do to stock up and save on back-to-school clothing?

Aug 19

Wildcard Wednesdays: One Last Hurrah

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After a fun-filled summer I always wonder how my kids will answer the inevitable and predictable question everyone asks: What did you do over summer break?. I’d cringe if their only memory of this summer will be watching “Hannah Montana” and ‘Brady Brunch” re-runs. It seems, however, that kids’ memories are shorter than their attention spans, so I try to end summer on a high note. However, with lots of other preparations taking up lots of precious time it can be hard to squeeze it all in.

First, we start by reviewing our list of things we wanted to do at the beginning of summer and see if we’ve missed something really important. It also gives us a chance to think back to all of the fun that we have had as we cross other things off the list. Next, we brainstorm any other things we’d like to do before the leaves begin changing colors. Finally, we make a plan and set a date to have our last hurrah. (By the way, this is a really great way to get your kids to buy into all of the other not-so-fun mandatory Back to School prep stuff you’ve got to do.)

Here are a few ideas of fun things I’ve heard of others doing or that we’d like to do. Please add to the list by sharing your idea in the comments below.

End summer with a bang by:

· Having a slumber party and inviting friends who were in your class last year or will be in your class this year.

· Invite a group over for a breakfast to get everyone reaquainted with their alarm clocks but then let the guests show up in pajamas if they wish. (It’s like baby-stepping back into the routine.)

· Make one last trip to a favorite summer spot (the beach, pool, a beautiful hike, a friend’s house, a fun outing, etc.)

· Have a big bonfire and make s’mores and reminisce about the fun weeks that preceded.

· Have a game night, movie night or talent show as a family or invite friends to join you.

Question: What do you do to wrap up summer?

Aug 19

Tidy Up Tuesdays: Back to School Groove

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School has already commenced in some parts of the country while others are still preparing for the big day. Returning to the school routine is both a great and dreadful day for me.

I love the freedom of having the girls home so we can take off for a day on a fun adventure to a new park or museum, or to just spend a lazy day in our pajamas at home playing games and watching our favorite movies. But I also love to have more of a routine to our day. The list of things I’ve put off over the course of three months overwelms me only slightly less than the pile of papers and projects sitting on my desk waiting for my attention after Labor Day.

I also dread the pace at which we run once fall arrives. Each member of our clan has many responsibilities and activities that we choose to hold onto because of the value they add to our lives. Even after careful assessment of our load these demanding schedules still require a great deal of planning to get it all done and to carefully not double-book ourselves. Sound familiar? I doubt I’m alone in these feelings.

While the smell of freshly picked apples and the sight of school supplies gets me all excited for a new school year, I also know that if I’m not ready for it, it will overwelm me and squelch all of my energy. Here are some of the things I do to prepare for the great and dreadful day that is an American tradition: The First Day of School. Even if you’ve already starting hitting the books again you can still take this steps to make sure the rest of the year goes smoothly.

  1. Assess and take inventory. I take stock of every single item of clothing my daughters own, from their socks to their hats. We sort through every drawer and each closet, evaluating each item while we ask ourselves, 1) Does it still fit? 2) Do you wear it? If not, will you wear it ever? and 3) Is it stained, does it have a hole, or is it missing a button? This year I was shocked that we filled two full bags of clothing to be donated or passed down to younger nieces and one full bag of trash! That is one bag of unwanted items per child taking up space in our life.
  2. Make a list. Once I’ve whittled each of their wardrobes down to what is actually useable for the coming school year, I make a list of items that we need to purchase. (Check out my post this Thursday for tips on back to school shopping tips.)
  3. Wash and wear. It’s amazing how an old, crusty pair of tennis shoes or a sticky backpack can look as good as new after a spin through the washing machine. The dryer may damage plastic snaps on backpacks, or add to the wear and tear of other items, so it may be best to let some items air dry.
  4. Talk it over. Each year we seem to be adjusting alarm clocks to fit the needs of our schedule for that particular stretch of time. Instead of blurting out the awful early morning hour to my kids I let them count backwards and come to their own conclusion about what time they need to get up in the morning. It’s also a good time to set goals for helping them to become self-reliant in the morning (setting their own clock, showering, making lunch, etc.)
  5. Review the rules. My husband and I always set aside the week before school begins to review all of our “Stranger Danger” warnings with the kids. The older they’ve gotten the more detailed we’ve been able to get in these topics. Our children aren’t out of our sight too often, but school is a place where our children are exposed to all kinds of people and things often without our knowledge. It’s a great time to remind them that they can always discuss things with us if they have questions or are confused by things they’ve heard or seen at school.
  6. Go out with a bang. Set a date on the calendar amidst all of the busy preparations to have one last day of fun. Check out Wednesday’s blog post for ideas on how to celebrate the end of summer.

Question: What do you do to make Back to School easier?

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