I think I’ve discovered the formula for a great Halloween weekend. My algebra teacher would probably argue that this is a balanced equation, but I thought it was perfection (with a few horrifying moments in between).

2 cans of hairspray

+ 2 hours of hair and makeup

+ 2 awesome Halloween parties

= 1 Taylor Swift, 1 Scary Witch, 1 Cinderella with 2 tons of candy and 2 exhausted parents

After months of discussing the ins and outs of getting the perfect Taylor Swift curls, my daughter now fully qualifies as a teenaged country/pop star impersonator. Even I was a little shocked by the uncanny similarities. After tediously curling every strand of my daughter’s thick but perfectly straight blonde locks, I was wiped out. (I tried talking her into a wig after I did the whole getup for Friday night’s fiesta, but she was unrelenting and insisted it would hurt the authentic look she was trying to achieve.) Looking at my daughter all dolled up as a teen idol on the verge of adulthood made me realize that we’ve got a 9-year-old on the verge on teenage-hood. Who needs a scary ghost? Just look at your own kids growing up too fast. Plenty scary all on its own.

Then there’s my youngest who’s actually terrified of Halloween. The child who fears nothing in life – rollercoasters, jumping down flights of stairs, etc. – has been sleeping in our room since the Halloween decorations adorned store shelves. Several weeks ago her entrance to our bedroom at 3 a.m. was precluded by the full-speed charging of her four-year-old body down the hallway. While I heard her coming I was still unprepared for the terrorized toddler to pounce on top of me in my half-asleep state declaring in fear, “I had a bad dream!” Needless to say, she only endured the night because her will to eat chocolate was greater than her fear of “horrible Halloween,” as she has renamed it.

Then there was my little witch who insisted on being scary and not cute. I could’ve clicked my heels together and gone back in time to the many years I was a witch for Halloween. After 30 minutes at a Halloween party she said, “Everyone keeps saying I look like Wednesday. What’s on Wednesday?” She had no idea that her big brown eyes outlined in green eyeshadow made her look like a reincarnation of the girl from the First Family of Fright: The Addams Family. While I was shocked that she didn’t know who they were, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. It made me reflect on how some things have changed over the years while other Halloween traditions have remained untouched.

Tradition                         Then                                                                                    Now

Dressing up                        pulling stuff together out of your closet                 $40 Disney Store costumes

Pumpkin carving              gushy mess                                                                        same gushy mess

The candy                           endless Tootsie rolls and Dums-Dums                    full-sized candy bars

The smell                             a mix of chocolate and sugar                                      same sweet smell

Trick-or-treating              trolling the neighborhood with friends                 constant supervision

Scary stories                       “Bony Legs” and “The One Armed Man”               classic tales still scaring kids

Sugar high                           sneaking candy                                                                 sneaking our kids’ candy

 

Question: How do my equations add up?