One of my daughters at a young age blurted out, “I can’t wait to be a mom.” When asked why she replied, “So that I can chew gum and drive a car.”
If only it were that glorious and simple.
I’ve decided that it’s hard to be the mom. I’m not talking about the physical nature of the job – demanding as that is – but instead the part where you have to be the grown-up and handle all of the hard stuff.
Sometimes these feelings creep in when we’re forced to make decisions that affect our children without really knowing the end outcome. How can we take a risk without fully understanding the consequences?
But then again, how can we not take the leap of faith and risk making a bad situation worse?
It’s hard enough to make decisions about our own tough dilemnas at times, but it’s even more agonizing when it’s the life of someone else – and someone we love so intensely. These are the times when I want to crawl into bed and give up, or put the cloak of responsibility on the shoulders of someone else.
In those times of flight or fight, I almost always opt for fight, and find myself feeling the pains of those growth moments, too. I go into what I call, “Momma Bear Mode,” where nothing or no one will stand in between my child’s well-being and happiness unless they get past me first. I’m a pretty mild-mannered person. I try to pick my battles in life wisely and diffuse situations peacefully as often as possible.
However, there’s a whole other side that appears when I feel my children are in danger. It’s almost like watching Michael J. Fox transform into Teen Wolf. (Please tell me you remember that silly movie and I’m not getting old?)
We’ve all been there, though, when we go from otherwise happy, jovial spirits who allow elderly people take their place at the front of the grocery store line to become wise-tongued, fierce creatures to be reckoned with. Whether it’s confronting another parent when you’re child’s been wronged or standing strong to your standards against those who don’t respectfully endorse them, we all have an instinctive mother-bear within us that comes out when we feel our cubs are in danger. This primal response is necessary for us to transform even the most passive of souls to protect their young. It’s a wonderful, divine gift when used sparingly and accordingly.
When our cubs are in distress we live in a chronic state of continual stress. “A mom is only as happy as her most unhappy child,” is a phrase that I’ve taken as truth in recent years. When my children hit rough patches or go through difficult times it wrenches my own heart as much, if not more, than theirs. It’s impossible to go about your life in a business as usual mode when even one of your children is staring down a difficult problem. Again, I think these are basic primal responses to being under fire.
It’s hard when you’re facing the mountain to know how you’re ever going to take those first footsteps. Or worse, knowing how you’ll finish the climb when you’re exhausted and the summit is no where in sight. I love the example of the blind man who courageously accomplished the feat of climbing Mt. Everest. When asked by reporters how he reached his goal he replied, “One step at a time.” Not unlike our own journey—which seems frightening at times. The only way to start down the path is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Even in a hurricane the winds retreat underneath the eye, so there’s always a reprieve, albeit brief at times. On the ascension down the other side of the steep and rocky trail it’s much easier to reflect and see that all of the pain and misery that we all encountered was well worth the payoff. When you get to the top it’s so easy to see where you’ve come from, how far you’ve progressed, and to see the future with hope.
Question: Do you have a “Momma Bear” persona? When was the last time it came out?
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