As my adult palette has become more refined, I’ve discovered a hierarchy in chocolate exists. At one level of the hierarchy are the expensive pure cocoa treats that come from Belgium and France, at another level is the waxy, wannabe chocolate that covers a Kit-Kat bar. Certainly these two types of treats are both considered chocolate, but there is good and there is best.

My friend recently asked me to read her book that she’s written about procrastination. While nothing in the book is new information, the book’s content has sunk into my brain in a profound way. Our top priorities aren’t those we repeat to ourselves in our minds or even put on a list, but instead they are shown in how we actually spend our time.

We can say that our priority is to only eat the best chocolate, but if we’re shoveling down our kid’s leftover Valentine’s candy and we’re not sinking our teeth into treats from See’s, then we can’t really say that we’re fulfilling our priorities.

I’m finding that my priorities in life fall into these same two categories – good and best – and I must learn how to say no to the good things if I really want to achieve the best goals. It’s easy to postpone our goals until we do (fill in the blank). The problem is there’s always one more thing. I’m the queen of “one more thing.”

One year I set the goal for myself to learn how to say no to things and to people that were keeping me from spending my time in the ways that I felt where where I needed to allocate my time. While it was hard at first, I did eventually find some tactful ways of rejecting others, but I had a huge cloud of guilt hanging over me. So I spent the second year resolving to learn how to say no without feeling guilty.

I’ve had a near decade to perfect the art of using this powerful two-letter word, but I still have an awkward relationship with it at times. I’m seeing now that it’s been freeing to say no to the things that I didn’t really want in my life anyway. However, as my responsibilities weigh even heavier on me, I find that I need to say no to things that I love, too. In order to achieve my goals and keep my priorities intact, I must raise my bar to only include those things that are of the highest priority.

Saying no is not a mean or selfish action. It works much the same as the oxygen masks that we’re always instructed to adorn on our own faces in times of crisis before we help others. “No” protects and preserves our energy, focus and our time. So, how do we overcome this fear of saying no? And how do we do it without feeling overwhelmed by guilt?

Check out Thursday’s post for my tips in this area, but begin by listing three of your priorities. Maybe it’s staying sane? Finding more peace? Getting in shape? Educational goals? Narrow your focus and then write them down.

Question: What are your top priorities?