Jan 21

Making a Budget You Can Live With

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Whether your bottom line has been hurt by the economy or not, chances are your financial future has been on your mind. Many people have made it a priority to get their personal finances back on track.

Today’s post about creating a family budget is the first in a series of several posts about making 2010 a great financial year for your family.

Experts recommend using the 70-20-10 rule to have a successful roadmap for spending. Here’s how they break down your monthly paycheck:

• Living expenses should consume 70 percent of your budget. This includes housing, food, utilities and transportation.

• Twenty percent should split three ways, with the first 10 percent going towards retirement. (See next week’s post for more information on planning for retirement.) The last 10 percent should be split in half, with 5 percent set aside for building up your emergency fund (which ideally covers your living expenses for three to six months) and the other 5 percent going towards a specific savings goal (like buying a new car or saving up for a down payment on a house.

• The final 10 percent of your budget should be allocated towards debt repayment. You begin by paying down the highest interest debts first. Once those debts are paid you add the additional money to lower interest debts and pay those off faster. If you’re lucky enough to not have debt, then you can use that final 10 percent to invest in interest bearing savings accounts, CDs, IRAs, etc. You should consult an accountant or financial advisor to make sure you’re choosing what is best for your financial situation.

Other tips for saving:

1. Keep time on your side. It can be fatal to rip open your 401K statement these days, but things are on the upswing and most people still have plenty of years before retirement to recover their losses.

2. Don’t touch your long-term savings to fix a short-term cash flow problem. It can be tempting to dive into your nest egg to put a band-aid on your current problem. Always try to find another solution first.

3. Budget in some fun. It’s unrealistic to think you’ll never go on another vacation or eat another meal out again. Budget in some fun extras and then you can enjoy them when you pull out your wallet to pay that night out on the town instead of feeling guilty.

4. Consult a pro. Sometimes you have to spend a little to save a lot. Call a professional financial planner and get their opinion about your strategy and goals. They may be able to offer you advice that could save you tons of money.

Question: What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

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Jan 14

Chips Saved Me, But Not the Salty Ones

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We were having issues in our house with our kids picking up after themselves and following through on what they were asked to do. At the end of my rope, I reached for the chips. Not the salty kind that take years off your life, but the thin, plastic kind that save my sanity because they get my kids moving faster than you can say “hot potato.”

Seriously, we’ve all been there: tired and worn out from the constant nagging and then partially losing our minds because we feel like our voice is at an octave than only dogs can hear (except for our own dogs). Or maybe it’s bedtime and you’ve tried every “Super Nanny” technique you can imagine, but the kids still won’t go to bed and stay in bed.

In my exhausted and exasperated state I remembered an incentive program a dear friend of mine used with her kids. I thought I’d give it a try, and I can now report after a month of doing the “chips” program that I am one happy momma.

Here’s how it works:

We bought a package of poker chips from the drug store for $3. We have three daughters so it was easy to assign each girl a color. We did red, white and blue in corresponding birth order so it would be easy to remember. If you have more kids you may need to write their initials on them with a Sharpie pen.

Next we decided to dole out so many chips each day in areas that we were struggling with. For example, our girls can earn chips for cleaning up (after themselves and during our 10 minutes of cleanup at the end of the day), obedience (no talking back, doing things when asked, etc), and contributing in a positive way to the family (i.e. doing nice things for one another without being asked and generally not being a pill).

I also decided to assign them one extra “challenge chip” for an area that they were working hard to improve in. I let them make suggestions on what this challenge might be, and they actually hit the bull’s eye and chose exactly the same things I would have chosen. It helps that they bought into the idea and they were able to identify their own weaknesses. (Phew! We’re finally progressing.)

Next is the part the kids will love: cashing in their chips. The way we structured it was that each chip generally has the value of five minutes of computer time, playing on the Wii, talking on the phone, watching TV, etc. They can also cash in 5 chips for extra dessert or 7 chips for a playdate with a friend. We let the kids decide what fun things they’d like to do in their spare time and then we assigned a chip value for it.

During the day we “catch them doing good things” and give them extra chips and we take chips away if behavior tips the scales on the other end. At the end of our bedtime routine we spend 5 minutes and have the kids evaluate how they’ve done with earning their chips and then we decide together if they earned it or how they can improve and earn it tomorrow.

I think this program is great because it not only motivates kids to do the right things, but it gives us opportunities to reward them in a positive way. It also gives an instant way to punish them for bad behavior even if we’re at the store, in the middle of dinner, or out of energy to dive into a big flare up. It also helps them manage their money. I’ve seen them counting up the chips in the bank and then budgeting out their chips based on how they’d like to spend them.

Here’s the proof that the program works. This week my daughter was begging me to find ways she could help around the house. My four-year-old who has been known to hold marathon crying sessions at cleanup time sucked up her tears and put away her dollhouse toys in less than 5 minutes. I’ve even seen my children go out of their way to do nice things for one another multiple times in the past month.

I think this program works for kids of all ages –including teenagers. Give it a try and then report back on how it’s going for you. I’d love to hear success stories.

Question: How do you motivate and reward your children?

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Jan 01

Goodbye to 2009! Life’s Good Again in 2010?

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Progress.

That’s the word I’d use to describe 2009.

Not just for me personally, but for many others who found 2009 to be a less-than-easy year. You can always look back through a difficult patch in retrospect and see how much you’ve really progressed, even though it felt like you were hardly putting a dent in the path laid out before you while you went through it.

Sure, the road was marred with pit holes and steep inclines at times, but the future from where I stand has wide vistas revealing several paths that look promising, full of adventure and opportunity. Last year on New Year’s Day I tried to put an optimistic twist on all of the realities that weighed on me. I, like many others, felt that 2008 had been a truly trying year, but I had “hope” (a word I now have a greater understanding of) that things could turn out OK.

In the end there were no great miracles in 2009. There were no fairy godmothers to wave their wands and make all of the tough stuff disappear. The only way things could get better was for me to take control of the situations that plagued me and my family and turn things around. Some things are dramatically better, others turned out better than I could’ve imagined, and others are still in process of improvement. Or in other words, it’s progressing.

I find New Year’s Eve to be very cathartic and rejuvenating. I’m not one who likes to dwell on the past and I probably enjoy thinking about the possibilities of the future more than I should. New Year’s is a great time to reflect on where we’ve been, where we want to go, what has worked well and what still stands in need of improvement.

Ironically, I’m not a fan of making New Year’s resolutions. I’m a goal-oriented person, but I’ve learned that making goals that are unattainable or immeasurable just sets one up to fail. Instead, my tried-and-true way to make progress (there’s that word again) in my goals in to set out a plan. Imagine yourself embarking on a great hike as you start your goals for the year.

1. Before you can climb the mountain you must pick the hike you want to take to get you to your destination. I pick one area of my life and work from there. For example, last year I worked on my personal health. I’d been plagued with issues after giving birth to my youngest child and was in a bit of denial that my medical theory of “time heals all things” was in fact not working out so well. Since my daughter was 3 ½ and I still had some major issues plaguing me I figured I better try another route.

2. Chart the course and evaluate how long the hike will be, where dangerous situations may arise, and where possible side routes lie to shorten the journey and make you a safe and smart hiker. I make a plan. I begin to write down all of the problems that go into making this a big issue and then identify possible solutions to those problems. For me this meant writing down all of the health problems I was facing from my failing gall bladder to my achy tooth.

3. Before you embark you gather supplies, double check your supplies, ensure you have enough water and snacks, lace up your boots, and then head out. A good checklist does the same for us in helping us reach our goals. After looking at all of the possible solutions I make an action list of things I can put on a “to-do list” that will get me closer to a solution. In my case, I began prioritizing which issues were most important and what doctors I needed to consult and what changes I need to make to take control of my health.

4. To get to the top of the mountain every hiker begins the same way – by putting one foot in front of the next. Finally, I began chipping away at the to-do list so I can reach my solution. While that meant going through lots of doctors visits, dead ends, testing, and other misery it was worth it in the end. I’m now in amazing health. I feel better than ever and I’m able to move on to other areas to focus on. Consistency and diligence, although not synonymous, are equally important, like our two legs are in carrying us through the hurdles we face. These are often our sorest and our strongest muscles at the end of an exhausting journey.

Question: What is your goal for 2010? What was your goal last year?

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Dec 31

Essential for New Year’s Eve

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Here’s a few things you need for a great New Year’s Eve.

1. Words to the classic song, “Auld Lang Syne.” (See below)
2. Good friends and food. (Recipe for an easy dip — a can of chili, mixed with a package of cream cheese, heated and served with corn chips.)
3. Lip gloss for the big midnight smooch to ring in 2010.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.
CHORUS
And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

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Dec 24

Tracking Santa

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If your kids love Where’s Waldo then they’re sure to love these great “Where’s Santa?” websites.

http://www.santa-t.com/

http://www.noradsanta.org/

Kids can keep tabs on Santa all day long as he begins delivering gifts to all the good boys and girls worldwide. You can use Google Earth maps to see where he’s been and where he’s headed next. Mobile updates can even be sent to you on your cell phone and through Facebook and Twitter accounts.

You can also send Santa a text message and kids can sign up to receive emails from Santa. As an added bonus, these sites have coloring pages you can print out. They provide a great outlet for all of that excited energy on the most exhilarating eve of the year.

Enjoy!

Question: What do you do on Christmas Eve?

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Dec 17

Traditions in the Making

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As you start your own family, you combine the traditions of the past and create new traditions to share in your own burgeoning families.

I do have a word of caution about traditions though. It’s easy to become a slave to them, and while there are many wonderful things you can or should do during the holidays, sticking to tradition can kill the spirit of Christmas if you let it overwhelm you.

For example, this year we missed out on one of our favorite traditions – going to the drive-thru Live Nativity in nearby —but in the end I enjoyed staying home and spending time together relaxing even more. We’d had a busy day full of holiday fun but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

I find that when I fill my life with too many things – no matter how great they all are – I rob myself of the joy that those bring me. So, as a word of warning, be cautious biting off more than you can chew in the name of having a great Christmas. I’m sure my kids appreciated their mom being happy and fun far more than they would’ve appreciated The Live Nativity with their stretched-too-thin mother.

Keeping that in mind I wanted to share a few of our favorite things we do and hear your ideas on what your families do. Here are a few of our favorite traditions that we’ve carried on and/or adapted for our own little nucleus.

· Every Christmas Eve, as a little boy my husband would always receive a few early gifts. One was always a good, long book and the other was always a new pair of pajamas.

· My family always celebrates St. Nick’s Day (Dec. 6), a European tradition, where you open one small gift and enjoy some candies or cookies. (We adapted this and always give our children an ornament to put on the tree. We usually decorate the tree on or before this day each year so it’s perfectly timed.)

· We give each girl an ornament that reminds us of who they are at that time. It’s so fun each year to pull out the ornaments from year’s past and remember why we chose the ones that we did. We always write their name and the year on the back too. Someday when they have their own “First Christmas Tree” I’ll bestow their ornament collection to them.

· We act as a Secret Santa. We choose a family in need and buy them gifts to help lighten their load – financially or emotionally. This year we weren’t so secret and the kids lamented over how sad they were that they didn’t get to doorbell ditch anyone. (So glad they felt the spirit of service as much as deviant doorbell ditching.)

· We go caroling. I’m not much of a singer but husband and children sound great. I just get to blend in these days. We visit older people and widows in our neighbor and carol to them. It’s a lot of fun and really helps us focus on the important parts of Christmas instead of the commercial, hectic nature of the season.

· We make cookies for Santa. It’s a great chance for me to make some of my Grandmother’s recipes. It helps her feel close to us even though she’s no longer with us.

· We make assignments. Each year someone gets a different special job. One gets to go on Dad’s shoulder’s to put the star at the top of the tree, another gets to dole out the gifts on Christmas Eve, and another get’s to do it on Christmas morning. The kids look forward to this all year round.

Question: What traditions do you enjoy as a family during Christmas?

Dec 03

Flexible Spending – Last-Minute Shopping Spree

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Did you know that Proactive and other skin care products can be reimbursed from your flexible spending account?

(A flexible spending account is money that you ask your employer to set aside from your gross income each month that can be used to pay for non-covered medical expenses such as doctor’s office co-pays, prescriptions, etc.)

Wonder what else is on that list? Got a pile of cash set aside and ready to burn? If you over-estimate your flexible-spending withdrawals you could end up with a large sum of money at the end of the year. Unfortunately, this tax-saving program is a use-it or lose-it program, so if you don’t use it all up it’s like throwing money in the trash.

Here’s a few ideas on items that qualify as part of your flexible spending account.

·         Sunscreen

·         Acne treatment products

·         Over-the-counter medicines

·         Dental care

·         Prescription eye glasses

·         Band-aids

·         Menstrual pain products

·         Birth control

·         Chiropractic care

·         First-aid kits

·         Hand sanitizer

·         Laser eye surgery

·         Transportation expenses to medical services

·         Medicated lip products

·         Childbirth classes

·         Vision programs

Want a complete list? Call your health insurance or employer for a list, or check out this website, https://www.fsafeds.com/FSAFEDS/EligibleExpenses.asp.

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Oct 29

Tried and True Thursdays: Working In a Workout

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exercise ball

One of the most common excuses people use for not exercising is lack of time. When I posed this as a Hot Topic discussion on my blog last week I noticed no one was jumping in to offer their own advice on how they fit working out into their daily routine. I’m sure some of you, myself included, try to fit in a workout several times a week, but others wonder how can they really fit it in if it’s not the top priority?

I am actually one of those crazy people who actually enjoys exercise. I was a tomboy for many years and I’ve always enjoyed playing sports. I love to work up a good sweat and feel sore the next day from pushing myself. However, my time and freedom are no longer what they used to be, so I’ve had to be creative to keep exercise on my list of daily to-dos over the years.

I felt miserable during the stretches where I didn’t or couldn’t exercise for various reasons. I felt slow, tired, cranky, stressed-out, and flabby. This is true for all of us—even if we don’t gain a pound we still feel awful if we’re not using our bodies to its full potential.

Another barrier to exercising as a busy woman is that your routine changes when you finally find your groove. Kids come home from school for the summer, you get a new work schedule, your workout buddy moves, or something else alters your ability to fit it all in.

Here are a few things I’ve done over the years that have worked for me at different times in my life.

  1. Get up early. It used to be that I could fit in an hour of exercise before my husband left for work and before my kids were up for the day. If I were to try this now I’d have to get up at an absurdly early hour that no human creature should be awake. Besides, I’ve tried and I turn into Godzilla by the “swing shift” (i.e. afterschool/dinner hour). But for some people this can work amazingly well.
  2. Take off before dinner. When the girls were toddlers I used to strap on my running shoes minutes before my husband would walk in the door. I usually had dinner in the oven and ready to eat for he and the girls. I’d enjoy a few miles of peace and solitude while he got to spend some Daddy-daughter time with the girls. After a long day of toilet-training and tantrums, I needed an escape. Instead of junkfood or lounging in front of the TV, I chose to take my stress out on an evening run.
  3. Be a member. When my husband went back to school full time to earn a master’s degree (while still working full time), I found myself bored, lonely, and trapped at home with two youngsters far too often. So, I got a gym membership (that included daycare) and hit the gym faithfully every afternoon. It was just the break we needed in the mid-afternoon to endure to bedtime. I got to de-stress and they enjoyed the giant kids play area (imagine McDonald’s Playland without the French fries). They have fun classes you can take, groups to join, and you meet and talk to other adults.
  4. Take it where you can get it. After having baby No. 3 I found myself trying to juggle a lot of schedules and stress, and found I had even less time to work out. I really had to get creative. Mornings were dedicated to getting everyone out the door. (This shockingly takes hours!) Some kids were in school but others weren’t, and the taxi cab was always on the road. During the few times I found myself not carting my kids around in the car, it seemed to be naptime. I also had two other children always at my heels that couldn’t ride a bike yet, so I found myself deeply frustrated. I found that sleep was overriding a workout, and somedays it was 5 p.m. or later before I even showered. (Gross confessional, but still the sad truth.) I found that as things leveled out I’d grab a workout just like I’d grab a nap – whenever I could.
  5. Walk it out. Walking is a great form of exercise and stress relief, and if you invite a friend or two along it can also serve as a great way to socialize. Babies and toddlers enjoy getting out and seeing the sites, and you can really work up a sweat in a short amount of time. Double strollers are an amazing tool that helps get you out and moving. I remember my double stroller weighed 28 pounds, my toddler weighed 30 pounds, and my baby weighed another 10 pounds. So, in addition to a good walk I was also pushing an extra 70 pounds. If that’s not a workout I don’t know what is.

Question: What do you do to squeeze in a workout?

Oct 22

Tried and True Thursdays: Feeling the Halloween Spirit

Tried and True Thursdays 2 Comments »

halloween wig

With Halloween landing on a Saturday this year, we’re planning to celebrate big and paint the town orange. With festivals, fiestas, and other festivities we’re gearing up to enjoy this wonderful tradition.

Here are a few websites that might be handy if you’re trying to whip together a costume out of your closet or maybe you’re planning to parody a celebrity (or a media-made psuedo celeb) by dressing up as the King of Pop,  Jon & Kate, the Octomom, or Bernard Madoff.

If you’re looking for fun stencils (free ones) to give your kids a knife-free option for decorating. Even if you plan to stick it out at home and pass out candy, there are loads of fun games and activities to celebrate this spooky season.

Pumpkin Stencils – Free!

http://www.bhg.com/holidays/halloween/pumpkin-carving/printable-pumpkin-stencils/

http://www.pumpkinlady.com/pattern.htm

http://www.scarypumpkinstencils.net/free-pumpkin-carving-patterns

 

Halloween Games for Kids

http://www.partygameideas.com/halloween-games/games-list.php

 

Costume Ideas for Adults

http://costumeideazone.com/

http://hollywoodflakes.blogspot.com/2007/09/creative-halloween-costume-ideas.html

 

Question: What are your kids dressing up as for Halloween?

Oct 15

Tried and True Thursdays: Toddler Bribes Are Just What the Doctor Ordered

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I love our family doctor.

He’s been there to snuggle two of my daughters just hours after delivery and even offered to make a house call once after I was recovering from a long illness. He’s walked me through all of the health crises we’ve had thrown our way (and we’ve had more than our share). He reassured me that my daughter who struggled to be potty-trained would not go to kindergarten in a Pull-Up. (I was skeptical but he was right.)

We’ve also discussed together bowel movements at great length and I’m pretty sure I’ve delivered body fluids of nearly every kind in a paper sack to the ladies at the front desk of his office. On a recent special deliver, they were sorely disappointed to find out that the warm contents of the In-n-Out bag I imparted  didn’t include a Double-Double with fries but instead was just another one of my specimen drop-offs. (In my defense, it was the only bag I had when my daughter decided it was time to deliver the goods. I was desperate. I really wasn’t trying to be gross.)

We’ve been there so much at times that one of my kids even named her doll after our doctor’s nurse. For all of the amazing things our doctor has done for our family, I’d have to say that his recent advice has been some of the most helpful, notwithstanding its simplistic nature. Not only is he an amazing doctor, he also has parenting prescriptions up his sleeve. Who knew?

I had tried everything I could imagine to get my daughter to stop sucking her thumb. But she was an addict like none I’d ever witnessed. Even in her sleep she couldn’t keep her opposable digit away from her mouth. Really I should understand because it’s similar to the way I feel about chocolate. The way my husband feels about watching the NBA playoffs in double overtime. The way a teenager feels about texting. She was a force to be reckoned with because she was no longer aware of her actions.

We used a sticker chart. That worked for 10 minutes. Maybe 20. We tried taping that thumb in the middle of the night to create a less-than-desirable texture. That lasted an hour or two tops and we’d find small bits of tape throughout her bed. We tried every bribe or reward we could conjur up. We’d turn the TV off if she sucked during an episode of “Dora the Explorer,” but she’d just wait until we weren’t looking, and back in it would go. We tried the yucky nail polish too, but she’ll  just power through the awful taste to fulfill her addiction.

We’ve stopped short of putting her in double casts to cut our cute little four-year-old junky off. (No, I didn’t ask him to cast her arms. I just thought about it. Seriously considered it but refrained. Again I was desperate, but I’m not totally crazy. Yet.)

After I complained endlessly about the many routes we’d taken to correct my child’s thumbsucking issues his advice still reigns supreme in these two simple words: Bribe Her.

My dumbfounded reply of course was, “What?”

He said it again, but this time with more explanation. “Bribe her. But bribe her all day.”

I thought, Now he’s speaking my language.I love bribery. I bribe myself to do hard things. I bribe others to do hard things. It’s the root of my guiding principals and my motivation for obedience.

“Give her small rewards for every 20 or 30 minutes she doesn’t suck her thumb. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but she needs immediate gratification to overcome this hurdle. That’s why sticker charts aren’t working, ” he continued.

My mind began to run with this concept. I envisioned stocking up on bulk candy from Costco. I could see my cart filling up with M&Ms, licorice, jelly beans …. But he must have read my food-pushing mind because he interupted my thoughts and said, “Don’t use candy. Just bribe her with things you’re already going to do like reading a book, taking a walk, or watching a cartoon.”

As I began to wrap my brain around this plan I could see the wisdom. You could use this for a multiplicity of toddler power struggles. Why hadn’t I thought of this one on my own, I wondered. It was so easy and so simple, but best of all implementing this strategem required no extra work on my end. The only flaw in his suggestion was that I wish he had told me this when my older children were toddlers.

Question: What do you do to move your toddler into action?

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