A few posts ago, I mentioned that as part of our Back to School routine my husband and I have a conversation with our daughters about Stranger Danger. I wanted to elaborate on what we cover during our chat to help give others who would like to do the same a rough outline of where to get started.

Once you get this conversation rolling, your kids will likely take it in the direction they need to and at the level at which they’re ready to understand. You don’t want to scare little ones, but at the same time you want to be sure you prepare your older children properly. You may have to adjust the agenda based on your individual situation. For example, we’ve recently taught our older daughters about the danger of sexual predators,  but we would never want to introduce something this intense before they were ready.

As a parent, you can check out websites to see where registered sex offenders live in your area.(For example, in California you can go to http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov.) It doesn’t mean that all of these people are kidnappers or will hurt your child, but it’s always good to be aware of your surroundings and vulnerabilities. The Megan’s Law website also has valuable education information that will help you to know how to guard your children. Below are my suggestions for creating an outline for your conversation with your children.

1. Look to the news. When my oldest daughter started kindergarten I realized it would be the first time that I didn’t have my eyes on her all day. At about that same time, a girl her age was kidnapped and murdered in our state. This story was highly publicized so I allowed her to watch a bit of the coverage with me and then we discussed it. Again, I didn’t want to give her nightmares, but I wanted her to get that this was a serious situation that we were discussing. It can be an awkward topic to introduce but it’s well worth it to get the ball rolling.
2. Define the strangers in their life. Not all kidnappers are on Megan’s List; many kidnappers are friends of the family. Make sure kids recognize who is allowed to pick them up from school and what they should do if they’re uncertain about a situation. Also, someone who may hurt them may not look scary; rather, a predator could have a nice smile or seem like a good person.
3. Teach them to recognize tactics. A kidnapper isn’t going to announce their arrival and intentions, so explain to your kids that these people use tactics to appeal to children. For example, they may ask your child to help them find their lost puppy to get them to come close to their car or to even get into the car. Others may offer to give them a ride on a hot day when they’re walking home, or bribe them with candy.
4. Play out some scenarios. My brave husband will pretend to be the “bad guy” and the girls will each take turns preventing their abduction or fighting back if they are grabbed. We teach them to keep a several body lengths between themselves and strangers who are speaking to them or following them. We teach them how to scream for help (what words to use, how to let out a piercing scream, etc.) and how to do basic  self-defense moves (biting, kicking, etc.) to escape to freedom.
5. Remind them of the safety in numbers. We remind our children that they’re less likely to run into problems if they stay together with other kids. We also review which adults are typically safe to ask for help (teachers, store employees, police officers, etc.). Most importantly, we teach them there is a voice inside of them that tells them when they’re in danger or alerts them when they feel uncomfortable. We also teach them that they should always listen to that voice and always openly communicate with us as parents when they have questions or concerns.

Question: What other important things do you bring up with your children to teach them to protect themselves?

Even though Back to School is around the corner, summer is still in full gear. August is typically one of the hottest months of the year in most places. Do you hit the beach or the lake? Crank up the air conditioning? Lay out at the pool? Sip lemonade or treat yourself to an ice cream cone?

Question: How hot is it where you are? And what are you doing to beat the heat?

I feel like I have two speeds in my life: slow and go. The trouble is I seem to get stuck in one speed because I have a hard time finding the clutch, so to speak, to shift gears. I would estimate that I spend 80-90 percent of my days in go mode, but when I downshift to slow the other 10-20 percent of the time it’s a little slice of heaven. (By the way, slow mode doesn’t count if you’re sick. And if that’s the only time you slow down, then you really need to keep reading.)

No matter how hard it’s been for me, I’ve made a conscious effort this summer to be on less of a schedule. I’ve still demanded my kids brush their teeth. (I know. I’m so mean.) But generally we’ve rolled from day to day without making many plans. By comparison, during the school year we’re scheduled nearly every minute of every day. I know I’m not alone in this crazy lifestyle. It’s been wonderful to take a break from it all and relax. I often don’t get a free minute to myself while they’re awake, but I feel less stressed when we’re not tied to our agenda for the day and we can move at a snail’s pace. I’ve relearned the valuable lesson that, “A less stressed mom equals a happier home.”

Don’t get me wrong—we’re not cooped up all day. We still do many of the same things we normally do in a summer, but it feels better to skip a few things and slow it all down a bit. For me, I seem to be enjoying the time we have together more and we’re actually having fun trying new things together.

Trying to find second and third gear this summer hasn’t come without a few stalls or bumpy moments. It’s very similar to learning how to drive a car with a manual transmission. Remember peeling out a few times or killing the engine when you don’t apply the accelerator enough? It’s hard to strike a balance between letting it roll and hitting the gas. I’ve had to take a few ”mental health days” or afternoons to restart my engine over the past few weeks. I’ve also had to count to 10 or call a girlfriend to vent more times than I count on one hand. But the good news is I think I’ve finally found a few gears we can drive in without leaving anyone in the dust.

Question: Any suggestions on how to keep this more relaxed vibe alive beyond Back to School night?

I’m not sure if I have one specific memory that comes to mind when I think of summers from childhood. It’s more just that feeling of freedom and leisure. There were a lot of kids – mostly boys – on the street that I grew up on, and we spent our summers exploring the neighborhood on bikes or building elaborate cities out of mud in the open lot across the street from house. (I was a serious Tomboy out of necessity. My choice was to hang with boys or play solo.) Every evening after dinner we played games in the dark such as hide and seek, tag, etc.

Now that my girls are about the same age I was when I began forming summer memories, I think about what they’ll remember from their summers as a child. We spend a lot of days and the beach or the pool.
We play lots of board games and we go to the library and check out giant stacks of books. Will it be those things? Or will it be the bigger things like the vacations and road trips? Will it be the smaller things we do such as kidnapping Dad from work and taking him to lunch, or will it be the hours they spend playing imaginative games in their room with one another?

I guess I’m like most moms and hope that all of the big and little things add up to a library of good memories. It won’t be too many more years and they’ll be too busy in the summer to spend so much time together. As I write this, my youngest is singing her loudest and most offkey renditions of her favorite Taylor Swift songs for her big sisters who are laughing hysterically at her antics. I try to absorb every sound of their laughter now because these are the moments I’ll remember from their childhoods.

Question: What is your favorite memory from your summers as a child?

I think a long road trip with the kids paired with little sleep got the best of me and I melted today. I had reached my boiling point and I needed to take a mental health day.

I called a girlfriend in desperation and she offered to take me to lunch. I quickly arranged for a babysitter and off I went. But as lunch came to an end I realized I wasn’t ready to return to real life just yet. I needed more time to veg, and I longed to see a chick flick. But I had no one to accompany me. I thought about my other alternatives, but decided it was chick flick or nothing. So off I went, solo to the Silver Screen.

Let me just state that I am not the kind of person that welcomes alone time. My grandmother used to threaten to send me to a convent where I’d have to take a vow of silence because I was a serious chatterbox. I think long silent moments are more awkward than a lanky 12-year-old girl. I enjoy occasional alone moments, but I’d never dine alone in a restaurant, and the thought of going to a movie alone didn’t sound all that great, either. Who would I turn to and look at during the funny moments? Who would I discuss it with after? It just seems really wrong to me to go to a movie alone, but worse than that was the thought of going home before I felt like I got a break from the summertime bickering and mess-making.

With my popcorn (with extra butter) and my giant-sized Diet Coke in hand I headed into the theatre and was surprised to find I wasn’t alone in going alone. There were lots of others sitting throughout the theatre unaccompanied. After about 10 minutes I stopped thinking about how much fun it would be to be there with my girlfriends or my hubby and I enjoyed the movie. After the show, which was far more enjoyable than I expected for a chick flick, I felt like I’d conquered some fear. Now, it’s not like a showed up to the prom stag or took a trip to a tropical island all by myself. But I did find the solitude to be more rejuvinating than I’d imagined it could be and it was just what I needed to recharge my batteries and tackle the rest of my week.

Question: What’s your favorite thing to do on your own?

Last week I was asked to teach a nutrition class eating balanced meals and thought it would be a snap. That was my first mistake. I have a degree in health education and I’ve taught classes like this many times. That was my second mistake.

Needless to say, I learned a lot more than I thought I would. Take the 10-question quiz below and see if you’re the smarty pants you think you are.

True or False?

__ 1. In 2005, the USDA released a revised version of the Food Guide Pyramid, called MyPyramid.

__ 2. MyPyramid measures food by the cups and ounces not on serving portions recommended for adults.

__ 3. Tomatoes are a vegetable.

__ 4. Corn is both a grain and a vegetable.

__ 5. Whole wheat flour contains more fiber than brown rice.

__ 6. Fruits and vegetables contain fiber.

__ 7. Medical research shows that whole grains offer health benefits beyond fiber alone.

__ 8. Dry beans and peas can be counted in the Meat and Beans group.

__ 9. Soy products can be counted in the Meat and Beans group.

__10. The recommended dietary fiber intake is 14 grams for every 1,000 calories consumed.

If you answer true to all of the questions then you got 100 percent. A personalized plan based on your gender, age, height, weight and physical activity level can be created on the MyPryamid homepage, but the proportions are the same for most people. They also have special versions for kids, preschoolers, pregnant and nursing mothers, and for those looking for help losing weight.

Question: How well did you do on the quiz?

Last week I opened up 3 Girls and a Pug to my readers to seek the advice of fellow readers. Here are two challenging problems many mothers have faced during the toddler stage. Please offer any suggestions you’ve found helpful to get over these hurdles.

From Nancy:

Our biggest challenge for the past year at least (probably longer) is potting training. My daughter just turned four at the end of May, yet she still has accidents. She cries because she doesn’t want to wipe herself. It’s a definite battle of wills. We’ve bribed, threatened and reward and everything in between. The worst is the hope I feel when she goes for 3-4 days without any accidents, then it happens again. It is definitely by patience trial.

From Kim:

Our biggest challenge has been pacifier separation. We are on a successful week #2 without it but my oh my what it took to get to this point. I started out by slowing cutting it down but then it got lost and then I lost my patience. So we have had several nights of yelling for an hour but are making significant progress! Yeah for us!

Question: Need a suggestion for handling a sticky situation in your house? Tell us about it.

After a trip to the dentist I discovered that my daughter’s addiction to sucking her thumb carried more severe consequences than I originally thought. In fact, she was altering the structure of her upper pallet. My other two daughters weren’t big thumb suckers and never really used a binky, so this was new terrain for me. I guess I figured she’d give it up on her own, but that was really a fantasy of mine.

Action had to be taken, so I tried the ideas the dentist gave us. They didn’t work. Then I looked online to see if I could find some tips, but everything I tried failed. So, I sought out advice the old fashioned way – through other moms. I’d love to report that the thumb sucking has ceased in our home, but I can say we’re making progress thanks to the advice of a trusted friend.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to feel like a forum for moms everywhere to find more joy in the journey. Certainly when we’re jumping over large hurdles it’s harder to find joy than when things are sailing along smoothly. I’d love to hear what hurdles you’re trying to jump over in your house. It’s always easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re friend is holding a flashlight on the other end, cheering you on because she’s already walked through that dark tunnel. I know it can be hard to ask for help, but others likely have the same concerns.

Question: What is your biggest hurdle you’re trying to jump at home?

 I can’t begin to imagine what life would be like with 8 children, much less two sets of multiples, and then to have all of it captured on tape and broadcast for the world to see. I feel bad for the Gosselin family, the stars of the reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”. I feel bad for Jon who has endured the nagging and semi-verbal abuse of his wife for years. But all of the weight doesn’t fall on Kate, either. She nags him for a reason. His passive nature doesn’t make him an angel. From the onset of the show you could see how this situation was a recipe for disaster. 

Mostly, I feel for the kids. Marital discord, and even worse, divorce, can cause temporary or permanent trauma to any child, but to have it all recorded and played out on TV is even more heartbreaking. Unless you live under a rock, you probably have an opinion about the show and the controversy it has stirred up.

Some people think the recent drama in the news is only a ploy to boost ratings. Others think it’s exploitive and a form of child abuse. I find it fascinating that it’s so fascinating to everyone (myself included). I think Jon and Kate have become the first family of reality TV. To which other “normal” family have we been given such a bird’s-eye view into their lives? We see their birthday parties and their trips. We see their everyday struggles and their discussions over dinner. They could be any one of us. When we see family members and friends go through hard times it pains us and makes us evaluate how vulnerable we are to divorce or personal crisis. It makes us wonder where our weaknesses exist and if we put too many big problems on the backburner for happiness now. What price will we pay later?

I remember that when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up I saw people interviewed on TV who expressed their grief of the breakup by crying. I had friends who actually became teary about the news. It was as if one of their family members was experiencing the split. I think Jon and Kate are just an extension of the typical American family and we all want to insert our opinions because it’s personal to us on some level. We want to see them hang on and overcome the same way we want our best friend or our brother to make it through the rough patches.

Question: What is your view of the “Jon & Kate Plus 8” drama?

My youngest fell off one of our bar stools this week and hit her head on the tile floor – again. She was fine, but she looked really woozy. I asked her to tell me her name. No response. I asked her how old she was. No response. Then I asked her her favorite color. She quickly responded, “Pink … and purple.” She was fine. The girl nearly knocked herself unconscious by rough-housing on the bar stool (like I’ve told her not to a million times) but she still knows a few of her favorite things.

On another unrelated tangent, I’ve noticed many of my Facebook friends have entered the great toilet paper debate of 2009. Should you place a new roll under or over? Who knows? Who cares? But then you think, all of these smaller, unconscious preferences say a lot about who we are.

If you can answer the following 20 things about yourself without hesitating first to provide complete honesty, you can tell a lot about who you are. It’s a great tool in dating and it’s also a fun way to see how much someone knows about you. So give it a try with someone you love, or someone you might want to fall in love with. My kids even love it. Here are 20 to get you started:

1.       Chocolate or vanilla?

2.       Cake or cookies?

3.       Movies: Happy Gilmore or Austin Powers?

4.       Music: Madonna or Britney?

5.       Beach or mountains?

6.       SUV or convertible?

7.       Save or spend?

8.       Early to rise or night owl?

9.       Wallflower or life of the party?

10.   Rather watch NFL or NBA?

11.   Rather play basketball or football?

12.   “Jon & Kate Plus 8” or “8 is Enough?”

13.   Beef or chicken?

14.   Toothpaste: Squeeze from the top or the bottom?

15.   Facebook or MySpace?

16.   Coke or Pepsi?

17.   East Coast or West Coast?

18.   Republican or Democrat?

19.   Colors: Earth tones or brights?

20.   Toilet paper: over or under?